Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
