When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize