Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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