i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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