if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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