No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize