census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
