He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
