I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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