i just identified you from a description of your pipe
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
