My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
