id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize