I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
