You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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