I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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