new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
