We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
