Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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