Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize