Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Hippo gnu deer
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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