thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
