So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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