At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
