My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
