Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
