he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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