New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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