Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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