Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
