I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
