help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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