i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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