rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
