Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
