he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
