is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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