My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
