Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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