So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
