I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
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