he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
