Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
honey bunches of taint.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Randomize
