im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I wear drunk well.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
