nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
This is not my ceiling
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
