final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
