You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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