she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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