the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
