Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize