He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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