wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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