Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
