I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
