new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
