There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
