i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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