I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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