Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize