Dude my mom stole all your condoms
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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