I wanna bring you to show and tell
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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