Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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