I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
