I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
