my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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