I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
