there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
