New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize