There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
