i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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