We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
