I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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