He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
two words...techno handjob
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
When are your genitals available?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
