she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
And then he peed in my hair
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