You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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