just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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